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Sunday, September 4, 2016

Naming the Laptop


After all, the laptop is for writing. That is its essential purpose. Not browsing; not movie-watching. A few days of testing and it seems to suit admirably well. So it is time to get comfortable together and settle down to some real work...to start with, writing, anything at all, regularly.

So. The getting comfortable part. Computer and I must feel like a team. I had a long-term relationship with my last laptop, which has been succeeded by no other for several years. In the interests of making the pursuit of my writing a possibility, this one has come as a present. It meets my sole specifications. It has all I need in a laptop. But we require finalization in some gesture---we need a name to make us comfortable.

What is in a name?? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet...and I won't engage upon Anne-esque commentary on that subject, but I always feel there is a great deal in an aptly chosen name... let's see. Data won't do. Nor just, "Computer." Like "Cat" in Breakfast at Tiffany's. Darlene sounds like a personal secretary who eats too many donuts. Hm.

I think Cornelius is right. Cornelius, the half-dwarf, wizard-tutor of Lewis' Prince Caspian. Cornelius, the faithful believer precariously positioned as tutor in the royal household drawn up along the sketchy lines of Hamlet and his usurping uncle. Cornelius, who encounters endless prejudice on both counts of faith and race, doing the best he can to honor truth in faithless times and preserve a memory of history, even when history is denied; reason, when reason is gainsaid by an empty tradition of lawless lawmakers; literacy, when literacy is dangerous because of what you read and what you learn from it...what ideas you might be prompted to consider.

Yes. Cornelius is a fitting compatriot in these hapless times.

12 am Rant


So. This is Times New Roman. That is, the Times New Roman spin-off. The off-brand. The second-rate because of lack of name. That tag you wear (or in this case, don't wear) that says, “look at me. I have arrived.” But, it is in all qualities, alike. In no way inferior. Not missing a single serif. But nameless. And therefore, people don’t use Linux. Why not??

Prestige? Laziness? Fear of the unknown?? Or fear of responsibility for one's computer life: the million unintended agreements and consequences that are entailed by pre-packaged OS's.  Fear of the responsibilities of freedom.

What kind of nonsense do you write at twelve in the morning to test a new laptop for its typewriting qualities?

Gah. There actually WAS an annoying note. An auto-correct. A phantom of the Nazis, telling me, ME, how to spell. Words like antiquarian and proletariat, thou and thee and the other. Grammar suggestions from geeks. But the wrong SORT of geeks. The ones that do not KNOW how to pronounce homogenous. That are unaware that two words co-exist and that one, more greatly used, is now seen as a synonymous variation of the other... which is nonetheless no argument for spelling "homogenous" (as in milk) and saying homo-genius. People who understand the most primitive logic required to code a computer, those that indefatigably gabble garble with the screen in tiny minutiae at 3 o clock in the morning accompanied by half an old sandwich and a liter of mountain dew (and admittedly, without whom my resources in life would be greatly reduced). 

Telling Me how to spell. I must interject an old-fashioned, disgusted, “Well, really.”

And I mean it, too.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

A Turtle's Shell

File:Snow Scene at Shipka Pass 1.JPG
By Psy guy (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)],
via Wikimedia Commons.


It's cold. The icicles melted at last and fell, last week in a thaw. Maybe the week before. No time for more to grow in a freeze like this. On Saturday our lives took us into the countryside, and we watched the winter desert over the fields, around old barns, snake onto the road in a wind that had its teeth bared, tearing the ragged edges on living things. Like pictures of the Sahara. We said little but enough to see we thought the same thing-strangely attractive, like the deathly wildness in photographs of the great desert, but not an experience to be personally desired.

Today the ice is over the road again. The sidewalks are dangerous, the bitter wind and cold more so. My spouse looks out at a memory: a child in Poland, he stumbled on a drunk lying in such snow once. He was frightened--today the man he is knows that the drunken figure could have been more than drunk... dying, or dead.
I wonder, and so does my husband.

But Inside... ahhh.  What a satisfaction!!! All the time I have been away from my blog, I have been busy... giving life to a story, giving birth to a child... and sitting back in the warm shell of coziness and affection that cocoons us here away from the bitter winter, I survey the fruits of these labors with supreme content.  

I am proud of the story, of course, but the little family that now surrounds me is the finest work I have ever been privileged to be a part of. I have heard many a young writer (and some older), comparing writing stories to giving birth.  I can only assume they have no children.  It is a silly comparison, from the eye of one who is both writer and mother.  

I have felt the keen edge of Joy, and been riven to the core by a story's "eucatastrophe," many a time in my life.  There is a compelling magic in it, for certain.  But the bringing to life of the most beautiful and touching story, is simply not to be compared with gazing awe-fully into the new, God-breathed soul that looks out from a newborn's wondering eyes.  For that, the world stands still... the nursing mother holds a universe in her hands, and "ponders these things in her heart."  

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Plead my Excuses! :)

via wikimedia commons

AWAY ON BLOGGER'S MATERNITY LEAVE; BACK SOON (-ISH)!

Monday, August 26, 2013

The Sky is the Same Color







I have heard people say a great deal of late, particularly in those academic circles I now spend the most time socializing with, on the subject of “culture shock,” and that not of culture shock between really different cultures, but merely between East and West Coast and the Midwest or (worse still, in the speaker’s view) the South (all referencing regions of a single nation, the United States).

Of course I am just as bad about underlining the virtues of the Midwest or South in contrast with the East and West.  I have as bad a taste in my mouth over the unacceptably selfish attitutes and lack of hospitality or genuine caring of the New Yorker as he has over the indolence or ignorance of “that place in the middle.”  We mutually regard each other as somewhat unthinking and stuck in our ways: the Easterner or Westerner sees me as crude, naïve, and dependent on provincial outdated values, while I regard him as dependent on the “concrete jungle,” unable to sustain himself, or to rest from the beehive in solitude, or be unafraid of dark or treed forest because he is a spoiled child who has not yet ever faced himself Alone, and sought out and wrestled what that meant.

But my experience in moving to the East Coast from Somewhere in the Middle (as they fondly suppose it is all much more similar across the Middle than on the Edges) is that if you mean the proper way to bake cornbread, or how comfortable you may be in popping into your neighbor’s house while he is away from home without prearrangement, then yes, there are many differences.  If you mean fundamental and rockbed principles of human nature, then I must say I have found the old Persian proverb to be truest: “The sky is the same color wherever you go.”

People used to believe there was such a thing as human nature; essentially bad or essentially good, they might argue over, and abominable ideas existed about this or that or the other people being a degree  “less than human,” as Darwin and Nietsche and so many others set out to demonstrate--but there existed such a thing, a commonality that made a human a person, and in varying ways and times men and women have set forth their hands to define it in broad but exact scope, in order to derive due respect for the dignity which humanity as a state of being gives an individual as much as a group as much as any other group.

I cannot say that I find the recognition of such a state as very prominent in these academic minds, any more than at large among the uneducated… but again, what one sees is similarity more than dissimilarity.  When I am not defensive or pugnacious about my roots, I must own that the same sins and the same problems among most and the same virtues among a few, exist there as exist here or anywhere else I have been; that where the crime rates and generally accepted selfishness have not caught up may really be because a region is behind the times, and not actually because the people in a particular place are en masse truly better or better motivated than anywhere else, and wouldn’t like to go farther.  The teens and preteens, where one looks for the signs of what the next generation is to be like, are fairly identical from Missouri to New York, and beyond, to Poland, when I traveled there.

Everywhere people make distinctions between each other which are unimportant and wholly miss what distinctions ought to be important.  Tolkien’s elves laugh at the hobbits, and tease them: they say that all hobbits are alike, and the hobbits indignantly insist they are not, which the elves cheerfully and carelessly disarm with the comment that to sheep, other sheep must look different also.

So it is.  The hobbits are right: being a little and rural people has no less its set of distinctions in society and custom, its little unique foibles and enjoyments, and has no lesser right of being acknowledged and respected than anybody else’s… that more people live elsewhere is no argument against the validity or importance of the culture of fewer members.  But holistically the elves are correct in their assessment also, that there is such a thing as hobbit-nature (or human nature) which makes them much more like each other than like anything else in Middle Earth.

The sky is the same color wherever you go, or as it says in Ecclesiastes, there is nothing new under the sun.  No one really invents any new people: the more things change, the more they stay the same.  People do not invent new sins, new pleasures, new values: you can always hunt in old books and find the roots of whatever the “new ideas” are currently.  And people are always longing, at all times: whether it be for the “new people” or “the other places,” or something else that gets attached to it. 

When I taught school, the middle school girls were in awe over my new shoes for a while because I bought them on a trip to Chicago: the fact that I had bought them at a chain store which any of them might have done identically in rural Missouri, and that it was a pair of shoes more or less like their own, did not occur to them as specially detracting from the shoes’ aura of otherness.  But as funny as it seemed to me, if I transpose the feeling to any object from the UK, and most particularly from those hallowed halls in Oxford, suddenly my own imagination is seized in a similar way. 

After all, one of those human qualities is a looking-off, a seeking, a longing for the beyond which we imagine on earth and yet never quite discover where we are, for it is not on earth in the first place.  It is a harder quality to see at times in the urbane peoples of… everywhere, really, whether “urbane” means Kraków, or London, or New York… because among the untravelled and rural peoples, the Otherness longed for can simply and easily be imagined to exist somewhere, in a city or a bigger city or another continent, but somewhere.  Among the more travelled and widely experienced urbane peoples, the place is further off, or else the Otherness desired is a state of society that they seek to bring about… but the desire of the intangible is there, all the same.

Shame, though, to us, if in our own knowledge of the lack of the Otherness where we are, we find a contempt of those people who imagine it might be… for imagining ourselves any closer to that Belonging Elsewhere which makes us strangers and pilgrims on this earth, than our neighbors, merely because we have been more places where we know it isn’t.  For the sky is the same wherever you go: humans all long for Something Else, and still however much they experience, generally suppose they will find the Something Else here on earth under some other conditions, without ever drawing the rather obvious conclusion that we were all made for something beyond what we see, and that is what we long for.

Yet we express contempt each for the other's differentness, despite not being what we desire ourselves. Human nature, again; for while I know the Easterner has not got the Holy Grail of existence, I know the Midwestern culture has not got it either, and yet the easterner and I are both likely to behave and speak to each other loftily, as though we had.  We want the Eternal; the Creator in whose likeness we are made; but we also want to be more special than our neighbors.  On one hand we crave the significance of the created purpose, the inspired soul which can only be ours if it belongs as a human property given from Above to each and every member of the human race; and on the other hand, we desire it, in our petty vanities, somehow to be more significantly ours than anyone else's.  It is a rather silly contradiction of human nature when you come to think about it...

Monday, August 19, 2013

Unharvested




"A scent of ripeness from over a wall.
And come to leave the routine road
And look for what had made me stall,
There sure enough was an apple tree
That had eased itself of its summer load,
And of all but its trivial foliage free,
Now breathed as light as a lady's fan.
For there had been an apple fall
As complete as the apple had given man.
The ground was one circle of solid red.

May something go always unharvested!
May much stay out of our stated plan,
Apples or something forgotten and left,
So smelling their sweetness would be no theft."
--Robert Frost

 I have always loved this poem; and the line "May something always go unharvested... Apples or something forgotten and left, So smelling their sweetness would be no theft" inevitably runs through my mind every time I smell roses over some neighbor's garden fence or sight some breathtaking beauty belonging to some stranger strictly.  The vision is my own to harvest, and the stranger seems friendlier for sharing the bounty of their work and creativity this way.

I have been terrible about posting at all this summer; but it is so hard to sit still when all the world is unharvested in some manner.  The goldfinches on the volunteer sunflowers; the scents of the crab-apples crushed under foot traffic and days old with summer sunshine; the mottled sycamore bark sloughing off all over the walks where anyone who wants it may take it; the green beans on my own front fence (which are not unharvested but still keep producing, faster and faster); everything in life seems so chock full to the brim, perfect in prodigality.

"I cry you mercy," as they used to say in some of my favorite books, if I am inattentive to comments or long away from posting.  But I suppose everyone has their un-harvest to be getting in, as the summer draws it's final breaths of damask and purple; I suppose we will be trysting and sharing the bounty of them all winter long.

So here are some of my summer gatherings-in, and I will post more when--well, when I do! 


-"Hoedown," from the Rodeo. Aaron Copland.

Sailboats on Lake Ontario
One of many backyard campfires!!


Harvest of memories


First ripe Black Krim tomato!  Triumph over the squirrels...

Eggplant parmesan, salad, sauteed green beans, almost entirely garden produced.

mint, zinnias, black-eyed Susans: home harvest


Red toile valance I've been too afraid to try to make until now! Voila!

Crabapples and sycamore bark.

Lake Ontario looking gorgeous with the wind high on the waves.
  

Monday, July 15, 2013

Harvesting "The Good Earth"




Deep, dark scarlet in their ripeness: dark as purple, brighter than blood, translucent where the sun struck and shining with the wet juices vibrant within.  I was enchanted.  I have found new appreciation for the brilliancy of reds but late... my heart wholly given long and strong to the cool palette, and I am far from abandoning my passion for my first and oldest color-love.

But there is something still so imperially Persian, so royally insistent of attention, so vividly breathtaking in the brilliancy of the reds of the earth.  Man doesn't mimic them by half, because such strength of color paired with translucency in light does not present itself often in invented mediums.  But I digress... it was picking cherries I found a new glory.  The unripe fruit and the sour cherries were vermilion, but the sweet, ripe cherries were dark as I have described, and yet... so crystalline, so wet, so red.  

Saturday found us on a small family adventure, picking our own newly-ripened sweet cherries and a few humble raspberries.  The July afternoon was cooler than it's wont but hot enough in the late sunshine.  We gloried in the color, ate it like the old gods in rampant abandon, with the juices escaping down chins and over fingers.  The harvest was so homelike, yet so novel: never having picked cherries, I had yet for many summers earned my college-keep in picking fruit or tending fruit.  I have worked in peaches, and grapes, blackberries, and strawberries, and blueberries.  I have seen a day when the summer sun vanished in a trice of sudden gloom and growl of thunder, and picked till my fingers were falling off, record gallons of berries before the storm... yet never seen the fields of cherries against the sky, glossy among the leaves.  What new-found wonder! What beauty!

We picked only for ourselves, and that too, was glorious fun: it felt like riotous waste and carelessness, to hunt around, to leave this tree behind and move to that, a thing the hired help must not do.  What a difference paying rather than being paid makes, after all!!

After we took our hoard and went a little westward, to the beach on Lake Ontario.  We spilled our treasure of color and sweetness in the wind and sunlight, out on the picnic blanket.  Cold barbecue pork sandwiches whetted our more serious appetites while the lush fruit waited an intermission.  

Then it was more gathering and harvesting, more color on the shoreline.  The waves rose up strong and the spray came far over the rocks, for it was a day with the wind high and in our faces.  It was a challenge, it was a game, to watch the sand and stone roll along the edge like marbles or dice in Neptune's fist, and see the bright thing catch the light, and jump down before the waves and between the waves, to seize it first!  

After much of this darting in and out, sometimes without a wetting, but sometimes with, we emerged triumphant with a tiny handful of sea glass.  




What an evening; what a day!  To make summer feel again so rampant, so Dionysian in abundance, so careless of scarcity and winter, that every day is another holiday for which the earth makes jubilee.  And we, among it all, we walked like children and like kings, something of both.  

The blackbirds sang, and the goldfinches flitted in their fly-drop-fly from bush to bush.  The green spaces so long coveted dazzled so seamlessly across every scene it made the eyes ache, and then the sun-sparkle lilted on the gray gray water that reached to meet the tall, turquoise sky... no place was left to rest a mortal eye, which felt the pain of seeing too much and still "not satisfied with seeing."  How glory draws us always!

And yet, how it wearies us... as if this kind of tiredness, which makes home and bed and familiarity so welcome, might have proceeded from the early days of Eden and be called by the other name of bliss.


Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Of Faeries and Fruit



“Where dips the rocky highland
Of Sleuth Wood in the lake,
There lies a leafy island
Where flapping herons wake
The drowsy water rats;
There we've hid our faery vats,
Full of berrys
And of reddest stolen cherries.




Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.”

-W.B. Yeats, excerpt “Stolen Child”









from www.cookingclassy.com
donaldsgarden.blogspot.com
Mumumio via Wikimedia Commons.